Marriage is tough sometimes. And it's not always the knock-down, drag-out fights that are the toughest. Sometimes we just seem to grow apart. Life gets busy, and other priorities get in the way. Before we know it, the relationship is strained because we're not nourishing it like we should. Well I have some ideas for how to help with this. Of course, I'm no expert, but I know what has worked for me and I know what I personally crave when things start heading this way in our relationship. So I wanted to share with you 5 ways to keep the spark alive, so to speak.
You guys, I cannot express how important this is. Make your spouse feel important. Keep spending that quality time together. I don't care how busy you are or how much attention your kids need. Make time for your spouse. Don't just find time or squeeze time in when you can. Make it a priority. Get dressed up and go out fancy. Do something together you've never done before or at least that you don't normally do. Or just spend some quality time sitting on a park bench. Just be sure to schedule it and stick to it.
TWO || Don't stop flirting
You and your spouse both need to feel loved, wanted and attractive. The need for that never went away so why do we stop showing it sometimes? Hold hands all the time. Be the kind of parents that your kids think are gross. Send flirty texts throughout the day. Never let your spouse wonder if you're thinking of them. Tell them!
THREE || Don't stop studying your spouse
My word of the year for 2015 is 'learn' and I've applied that to my marriage. I learned what Pearson's primary love languages are and I continue to learn more about him every day. People change so you've never learned all there is to know about your spouse. Continue studying. Get a PhD in your spouse and use that knowledge to make him or her feel loved.
FOUR || Put your phones away
I hate how much we all rely on our phones and other technology today. There have been times when Pearson and I are having a conversation and we're both looking at our phones the whole time. It's terrible. So create some boundries that work for you. Maybe you put your phone away as soon as you get home from work. Or maybe you just don't have it at the dinner table. Or maybe you have a "no phones in the bedroom" rule. Whatever it is, make your spouse feel important by giving him your full attention.
FIVE || Remember why you married him or her in the first place
Sometimes your spouse makes you so mad. And sometimes you get frustrated with everything going on. In these times, try to remember why you married your spouse in the first place. You fell in love, he treated you right, you had similar goals and wanted to do life together. You wouldn't have gotten married if the feelings weren't strong or if you didn't think you could choose to love this person forever. So remember how you felt and what you loved about him or her and life will be easier.
I think the main point is that your marriage should be a top priority. It should be above your kids, your career, your personal needs, everything. Perhaps the only part of your life that should be more important than your marriage is your relationship with God. So if some of these things don't exactly work for you, that's fine. Just do whatever you need to do to make the marriage a top priority again.
Have you ever felt distant from your spouse? What sort of things help you make your marriage a priority again?
Thanks for reading!