So here's what I've experienced lately: On Father's day, most of my friends actually posted pictures of their husbands instead of their dads. A lot of my friends actually either have two kids or they're pregnant with their second. Someone in Pearson's lab, getting a Science PhD from Ohio State, is having a baby next month. People who are much younger than us and even younger than our little brothers are having babies. My cousin just had a baby and my mom jokingly complained that she should have been a grandmother before her younger sister. And someone recently suggested that I throw my birth control pills away without telling Pearson (I think they were joking though).
ONE || Remember Everyone is Different
Every individual is different. Every couple is different. Every life situation is different. Just because your friends are becoming parents doesn't mean you need to. Even if they seem to be in the same life situation as you. Or if you think you are a lot like that person. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to have kids right now. Everyone is different.
TWO || Remember you have a Plan
Ok so I don't know if you really have a plan. And I don't know if things are going according to your plan. But at least in my situation, we're planning on waiting at least until after Pearson graduates. Don't forget your plan. Talk about it often. Remember why you made the plan. Reassure yourself that you aren't necessarily just missing out but you're waiting till your situation is more ideal and you can enjoy being a parent more than you can right now.
THREE || Remember God has a Plan
Sometimes this isn't what you want to hear. But I truly believe that God has a bigger plan and we can't always see that plan. God sees the whole picture and maybe he has some reason for you to not have children at this time. Maybe he wants you to do other things right now. Maybe you have other things to take care of. Or if you're in the infertility boat, maybe he has the perfect orphan for you to adopt. I don't want to go too far into hypothetical examples but I truly think that God is always at work in our lives and has a reason for these things.
FOUR || Stay friends with your Parent FriendsIf you want to keep hanging out with your friends who are parents, you have to make the effort. I really need to start taking my own advice on this. Make plans. Invite them to stuff. Host activities. Be excited to meet their babies. Show up at their house out of the blue. Or maybe call first, just to make sure it's okay. But stress the fact that their house doesn't have to be clean etc. You just want to see them and the baby and you know it's probably easier for you to come over than for them to leave the house. You can't just sit around and wait for them to contact you like I've been doing.
FIVE || Offer to BabysitI'm sure you do this already because it's just what people do. "I want to babysit anytime! Let me know when you want to get out of the house!" But you know that never works. They probably don't believe you're serious or at least don't really think about it when the time comes. You have to be intentional about it. That may even look like being so blunt as to call and say "You are going out tonight. I know you like the Star Trek movies so you two are going to see it tonight and I am watching the baby. No excuses." Or maybe you can offer any night next week and let them pick one or something. And offer to do it for free of course. Because you just want to hang out with the baby, right?
So you see, it's not so bad to not have kids when everyone else around you is. You can enjoy it with them, be happy for them, live vicariously through them, and know that you don't have to deal with all the negative parts right now.
Are you in the same boat as I am? What tips would you add to my list?
Thanks for reading!
Follow me on social media: