How to Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend (and why that's so important) | Enduring All Things

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

How to Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend (and why that's so important)

I am co-hosting the Love Blog Challenge today. The prompt is "Friendship." Head over to Brita's Introduction Post to see the prompts for every week day for the rest of this month. We'd love to have you join us!

Raise your hand if your spouse is your best friend! *Raises both hands in the air Hermione Granger style*

Apparently there is some debate out there about whether your spouse should be your best friend or not. Some people say that your spouse or partner certainly serves a purpose in your life but you need other friends to serve other purposes too.

I agree with that... To an extent. I mean sure there are just some things that I can't do with Pearson (or at least it wouldn't be as fun) that I love doing with girl-friends. And I'll admit, sometimes I need other friends to talk to about my marriage. I don't like husband bashing, but sometimes you just need some advice or someone to vent to. Also, couple friends are great to have double dates with and to sharpen your marriage skills against. And lastly, sometimes you just get tired of the same person all the time, am I right? Especially if you work from home and that one person is the only person you see throughout the week.

But, while I agree that your spouse shouldn't be your only friend, I still think he or she should be your best friend. 

Merriam Webster defines Best Friend as "one's closest and dearest friend" and she defines Friend as "one attached to another by affection and esteem."

So I say, aren't you attached to your spouse by affection and esteem? And why shouldn't he or she be the person you're attached to the closest?

Being best friends with your spouse makes life easier. It makes working on your marriage easier. It makes staying together easier. And it makes getting along easier. You'll always want to do stuff with your spouse because you'll want your best friend there. You will be way less tempted to look for affection elsewhere if you're already getting a lot of it from your spouse!

Not only does this make life easier, it makes life way more enjoyable! There was a long term study done in Britain between the years 1991 and 2009 that addressed this issue of having your spouse as your best friend. The study, called The British Household Panel Survey, asked 30,000 people to quantify their life satisfaction and, in a separate section of the study, to name their best friend. Of the married people surveyed, those who listed their spouse as their best friend were twice as likely to have a higher life satisfaction! (source here)

So now that we've established why your spouse should be your best friend, let's talk about some ways to help make that happen!
It's very important that your spouse is your best friend. It's okay to have other friends, of course. But your spouse should be number one. Here are some reasons why and some ways to make that happen!

ONE || Make each other number one

And I seriously mean number one. Your spouse should come before other family and friends, your kids, your work, your other responsibilities, everything. That means you may have to make sacrifices. You may need to cut back on your time spent at work. You may need to say no to other people and responsibilities on occasion. Make sure your spouse is your number one priority and show that through speaking their love language and making them feel important.

TWO || Keep dating!!

Schedule a regular date night and stick to it! Our schedules can get busy and baby sitters are expensive. I know. But when you stop spending time with a friend, your friendship suffers. It's the same for your friendship with your spouse! Keep dating!

THREE || Keep flirting and laugh together often

I don't know about you but when I think of some of my best friends, I immediately think of inside jokes and laughter. So if you want your spouse to be your best friend, you need to laugh together. Flirt with each other. Be silly. Watch something funny, stay up late until everything is funny (You totally know what I'm talking about). Just be silly!

FOUR || Find common interests

Again, think about some of your best friends. How did you meet? Through some sort of common interest, right? And I'm betting that's why you're still good friends. Because you have this thing in common that you can do together and talk about. So find that with your spouse. Whether you take an interest in each other's hobbies and teach each other, or you find completely new interests that you both like, find some things to enjoy together! Think sports, music, cooking. travel etc.

FIVE || Don't keep secrets

I don't think you should ever keep secrets from your spouse. That just leads to bad things all around. And if you want your spouse to be your best friend, you have to be completely open with them. Keeping secrets breaks trust and trust is absolutely necessary for this friendship. Also, just be open and accountable with each other to help each other out along the way. Life is hard and your best friend should always be there for you but they can't if you haven't given them the whole story.

SIX || Build each other up

Your best friends support you, right? I mean they come to your performances and tell you you're awesome (with some constructive criticism, of course). Do that for your spouse! Support their dreams. Cheer them on! Use positive, affirming language. Remind them why they are awesome and why you love them so much!

SEVEN || Fight fair

You will fight with your spouse sometimes. That's just life. Your other best friends get on your nerves sometimes too. But when you fight and argue, just make sure it's fair and productive. Communicate your needs and wants, and listen to the other side. Oh and don't bring up past arguments. That's just not cool!

So those are my tips. Personally, I am very glad that Pearson is my best friend. We share everything with each other. We support each other. And I feel completely safe to be vulnerable, to be myself, and to not worry about our future! Oh and my quality of life is pretty great at the moment. In case you were wondering.

So what do you think? 
Should your spouse be your best friend? 
Is your spouse your best friend? 
Let me know in the comments and be sure to link up any posts about friendship!
Thanks for reading!

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Meet your hosts:

Brita - Blog // Twitter // Instagram // Pinterest // Facebook // Bloglovin
Brita Long is the pink and sparkly personality behind the Christian feminist lifestyle blog, Belle Brita. While her first love will always be Paris, she lives happily with her husband Daniel Fleck in the Atlanta area.
Charlene - Blog // Twitter // Instagram // Pinterest // Facebook // Bloglovin
Charlene is a 20 something wife and fur-mama living in Portland, Oregon. She's a follower of Christ, watcher of SciFi, reader of fantasy, singer of show tunes, and lover of her husband! She uses her blog, Enduring All Things to help couples build a marriage that will endure whatever comes their way.
Kayla - Blog // Twitter // Instagram // Pinterest // Facebook // Bloglovin // Google+
Kayla Whitter is a 20-something INFJ and Hufflepuff. She works full-time at a local university, goes to graduate school, and runs the lifestyle blog A Paper Arrow. Her favorite things include reading, drinking coffee, eating Chick-fil-A and Mexican food, and hanging out with her hubby and cat (Courage).

Love Blog Challenge Giveaway:

[Giveaway has ended] Belle Brita has partnered with Ankit to giveaway one (1) $50 gift card with free shipping to Ankit, a brand with the most colorful and creative products. Learn more at Belle Brita!

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