5 Surprising Marriage Lessons from our Cross-Country Move | Enduring All Things

Friday, June 22, 2018

5 Surprising Marriage Lessons from our Cross-Country Move

Happy Friday, friends! As you probably know, Pearson and I moved from Ohio to Oregon at the beginning of this year. We first went to Orlando and spent a week at Disney and Universal to celebrate Pearson's graduation before embarking on our two week trip across the country. We visited a lot of family and saw a lot of sights along the way. We also ran into a few bumps and learned a lot of life lessons. Today, I want to share some marriage lessons that we learned on that trip!
My husband and I moved across the country at the beginning of this year. It was a wonderful trip that strengthened our marriage in many ways. But it also had it's challenges. Here are 5 surprising marriage lessons I learned from that trip!

ONE || Too much time together can make you scream!

Maybe this is just me, but somehow I think it's more universal than that. And to be honest, I'm surprised it took as long as it did. Pearson and I spent a TON of time together at the end of last year and beginning of this one.

He graduated in the middle of December but was really done with school before that. And my last day of work was December 8th. So we spend most of December together celebrating the holidays and packing. Then we went to Orlando and then drove across the country. We were together 24/7 for all of January. And most of that time was spent in a car! Then once we got here, we didn't know anybody and we had a full week before Pearson started work so we spent all that time together getting our apartment set up and establishing residency in Oregon etc.

Anyway, I really didn't start to feel it until after we had been here for a while but I just needed a break, you know? And there is nothing wrong with that. The important thing is to communicate that to each other. I took a day to myself and just drove around our new area. I left Pearson on the couch playing video games, which he was fine with. And at the end of that day, I felt so much better. But before I did any of that, I told Pearson why and he completely understood!

TWO || Be supportive. 

There were many times on our trip that one of both of us was really upset about something. I mean, we had been on the road for three weeks. We were also moving across the country far away from all of our family to a brand new place we knew nothing about. We were exhausted and emotions were running high.

So yes we both got upset easily and maybe even overreacted some. But we were both super supportive of each other. I'm sure Pearson wanted to roll his eyes and/or scream when I cried about my hair looking oily in all our pictures (turns out it was the leave-in conditioner I'd been using). But he didn't. He listened and tried to understand. I did the same for him when he was mad about different things throughout the trip.

THREE || But also keep them grounded 

Going along with the above point, it's also important to keep each other grounded. If your spouse is blowing something completely out of proportion, it's usually okay to tell them it's not a big deal. There is a happy medium. If your spouse isn't going to be real with you and call you out when you're being ridiculous, who is?

For example, we had a LOT of trouble with the company we used to move our stuff. Zippy Shell tricked us into having to buy a second pod. We were livid with them. I even tore them up on social media. Then, when we were about half way through our trip, they told us they were not going to be able to drop off our stuff on the date we asked for. That meant we were going to have to spend two more days without our stuff. I was livid. And I told them how I felt on the phone. But Pearson cut me off and told me it's okay. He brought me back to earth and reminded me that they are people too and it wasn't that big of a deal. In fact, we were able to stretch our trip out a bit and include the Grand Canyon!

FOUR || Compromise.

There were many times during out trip that we had different opinions, wants, and ideas. So we often had to compromise. If I'm being honest, we've always been really good about compromising. I think that's partly because I usually don't have very strong opinions about where to go or what to do. But I do remember a few times on this trip that we had to compromise.

One of those times was when we were in Vegas and I wanted to spend the whole time on the strip taking in the sights and sounds of the city. But Pearson wanted to go to Hoover Dam, which I could take or leave. So we decided to spend the morning at Hoover Dam and the evening on the Vegas Strip. I think we were both glad we did!

FIVE || Try to always remember the positive.

So one thing that I learned from this trip is that I focus on and remember the negative a lot more than the positive and Pearson does the opposite. The other day we were talking about the trip and Pearson said that December and January were the "best two months of his life." But when I look back, I remember a lot of heart ache and worry. I remember being super tired. And I have a lot of regrets about not planning well enough and how much more we could have done.

But I can't live like this. And it's true for all of life, even marriage. If we always focus on the negative and remember only that bad parts, we'll look back on our lives and think we have it pretty bad. We'll think our marriage is terrible and if we're not careful, we'll start to resent our spouse and wish we hadn't married them. Instead, let's focus on the positive. I know you have plenty of good things in your life! So do I! So lets remember those things. Let's remember all the times our spouse surprised us and did good things for us. Let's remember how hard he or she works and forget all the times they've done wrong!

Our trip out west was a fantastic adventure. It wasn't perfect but it was fun. I learned a lot. We made great memories. And I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else!

Have you ever moved across the country? How was your experience? What did you learn?
Thanks for reading!

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