3 Ways to be Intentional With Your Marriage | Enduring All Things

Friday, September 21, 2018

3 Ways to be Intentional With Your Marriage

Hey Guys! This month is turning out to be the month of guest posts! I've got another good one for you today. I feel like Amanda took these words right out of my head. If you're not doing these three things already, you need to! Your marriage will benefit so much. Also, she's a fellow PNW-er and Disney lover so we need to be like BFFs or something. Oh and she's gearing up for her first launch on Monday so go give her some love after you read this post!

Take it away, Amanda!

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It can be all too easy to let the days slip away and accidentally put your marriage on the back burner. I don’t think that anyone ever intentionally does it, and yet it happens so often. We get wrapped up in children, projects, work, etc. because they scream the loudest for our attention, or have deadlines. It’s especially easy for my husband and I to slip away from being intentional about our marriage because both of us are introverts and need time to decompress each day alone. When one of us says they need some alone time, the other one has no problem agreeing and finding something else to do.

Not too long ago, my husband and I got to a point where our marriage had been on the back burner for far too long and we were having connectivity issues because of it. Lots of miscommunications, and fights which led to wanting to spend even more time alone. It’s crazy how that works, right? We end up driven away from wanting to do what is most needed to help fix things. Which is where the idea of being intentional with your marriage comes in. Even when things are hard and you don’t feel like putting that effort in? Put it in. Here are just a few ways that my husband and I be sure to be intentional with our marriage so we can avoid getting to that point.

Scheduled Date Nights

Sure, it seems unromantic, but when we are having weekly date nights, our chemistry meter is so much higher. For a long time, we would attempt to have a date night during the weekends, but inevitably something would come up or we would be just too plain worn out after a long week to bother. So we picked a weeknight instead! Every single Tuesday (unless my husband is on duty), we have a date night. Here are our rules for our intentional date night:
  1. Date night can mean going out, or staying in. Especially for parents, going out for date night every single week and paying a babysitter can be expensive. But you can have a perfectly good night at home! Put the kids to bed a little early and get creative with what you do!
  2. We get dressed up for each other. We live in the PNW so sweats and yoga pants are the norm. However, we want to make sure we take the time to make date night special. So, even if we’re just having an at home date night, no sweats allowed.
  3. We have to actually spend quality time together. Date night is not a night where we can sit on the couch and cuddle and watch TV. As much as we love those things, we don’t really connect then.

Weekly Family Meetings

Every Sunday night, we sit down and discuss the upcoming week. That way, we are able to get on the same page about what’s going on, what our schedules look like, and what we expect from the other. This has helped us drastically when it comes to miscommunications. By talking out expectations and needs at the beginning of the week, we’re able to better serve each other. Here are a few of the questions we go through during our family meetings.
  1. What do our schedules look like this week?
  2. How are we going to split chores up this week?
  3. What expectations do we have for each other?
  4. What are we worried/stressed/upset about?
  5. When will we have date night and quality time together?

Setting Boundary Lines

This one is especially important for those with busy schedules. My husband works a ton of hours since he’s in the Navy, and I’m a preschool teacher who is also running an online business. Things can get pretty crazy between our two schedules! So, as you’ll see in question number five, we set boundary lines. Basically, this just means we set aside time specifically for being with each other and doing something together. Unlike date night, this can absolutely mean just cuddling on the couch. However, this time is not moveable. A friend asks us to hang out? Sorry, going to have to be another time. This came about because we were having issues lining up our schedules and then not being intentional with that time where they were lined up. So this forces us to make sure we get good quality time in!

Being intentional with your marriage isn’t hard, it just takes a little proactivity. And sure, it may not be the most romantic thing to plan all of this out, but it truly does increase the connection level between spouses, which could increase spontaneity! A long term marriage or relationship cannot survive off of spontaneity, or waiting until you “feel like” doing something for/with your spouse, alone. You’ve got to be intentional and make plans. What do you do to be intentional with your marriage? Leave a comment below!

Author Bio: Amanda Warfield, of https://amandawarfield.com, is a preschool teacher who got fed up with telling herself, “tomorrow is another day” as she got into bed each night because she felt so overwhelmed with what she hadn’t been able to accomplish each day. When she discovered minimalism, her life was transformed and she wants to help other women feel the same peace. Her goal is to use her passion for teaching and her passions for minimalism, organization, and productivity to help every wife and mom spend less time on their to-do lists and more time doing what they love with who they love! You can also find her here:

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