I love blogging about marriage and while I am passionate about helping people build a marriage that endures, I always want to be honest about our own marriage. It isn't perfect. It's difficult. However, with that said, I don't like to give specifics about our arguments. Nobody wants to read negative content all the time. Also, I don't like painting my husband in a bad light, which could happen simply because I'm biased in our arguments. It's a tough balance.
So I hope today's post seems balanced. I want to share our struggles and mistakes with you readers. I've been writing about communication a lot lately. In my opinion, it's the most difficult part of a relationship.
Mistakes we've made in our communication as a couple (and I'm sure there is a lot more than this but this is what I could think of)
- Yelling at him. I used to be a yeller. Especially in college. It was my first reaction. I still think that yelling is okay and necessary sometimes, and it is simply one way of dealing with an argument. But it shouldn't be my first reaction.
- His assumption that yelling is universally bad. Back in college when I yelled a lot. Pearson would always say "you're raising your voice at me..." in a very patronizing way. As if I didn't know I was raising my voice and as if that was universally bad and we already had an agreement that we wouldn't raise our voices at each other. Obviously, that always made me even more mad and I'd say "You're my boyfriend! I'm allowed to yell at you sometimes!"
- Not admitting what's wrong. This may seem to contradict my first point, but I like to keep things to myself. I think sometimes I keep things in untill I explode (or untill Pearson gets really mad at me for keeping them in) and that's when I yell.
- Eventually snapping. Going along with the last point, I keep things in until I snap. Though, sometimes I don't snap. Sometimes I just get to a point where I don't think I can return. That's when I finally decide to open up to Pearson and it all comes pouring out and it can't be fixed in a day.
- Being selfish and not listening when he complains too much. Pearson will admit that he wears his heart on his sleeve. That's not always a bad thing, but it's also not always a good thing. It can be annoying to me when complains about work etc. But sometimes I look at it selfishly and I start zoning out or doing something else instead of listening and showing him that I love him. It's a small sacrifice I can make for the man I love.
- Assuming I know what's wrong. I've talked about this before, but I have a bad habit of assuming I know what's going on with him. It kind of goes along with the last one. When he starts telling me what's going on, part of the reason I zone out is because I think I know him so well and I think I know where he's going with the story. But that's not always true. And it annoys him when I act like that.
- Rolling my eyes. This is something I think most of us have probably done since our teenage years. Sometimes it seems to happen involuntarily. I roll my eyes and sigh "here we go again." But that is the wrong attitude to have and the message it sends could drive a wedge in between us and make him less likely to share with me next time. I definitely don't want that.