A lot have thought, prayer, and discussion has gone into this in our relationship so far and we aren't at a place with a solid decision yet. Part of that is because we know we don't want to start a family until he is finished with school for sure so we don't have to make a decision yet. And, I am glad that we have that excuse for the people who ask why we are still childless after almost 5 years of marriage.
But, the truth is, we only have that excuse for about 10 more months. I don't think I've announced it on the blog yet but Pearson is graduating in December!!! That's a long story. And one that I'm not even sure I will share on here entirely. But, at any rate, we're almost done!!!
But I digress. What really grinds my gears is when people ask why we don't have kids yet. First of all, that's really a personal issue. Maybe it's none of your business. Maybe we're trying and it's a very painful topic. Maybe we're just waiting till he's out of school. Or maybe, we just don't want kids.
Why is it assumed that everybody wants kids 1-3 years after getting married? Why is that the norm and the standard? So much so that "Why don't you have kids yet?" is an acceptable question. Not everybody has kids. Not everybody wants kids. That's just a fact. And there's nothing wrong with it. At all. It doesn't make those people lesser people. It doesn't make those people horrible people.
Recently, I read an article titled something to the effect of "7 Reasons Millennials are Choosing not to have Children." I don't remember what it was called. I don't have a link. And I barely skimmed the article. So I'm not plagiarizing without credit. I'm just remembering back to pieces of that article for inspiration. I thought that article made some great points, but it had quite a bit of bad language so I wouldn't want to link it anyway.
But I digress again. Let's get to the point. Since we have some wonderful and effective forms of birth control these days, choosing not to have children is more of an option than ever before. I just wish it was also more acceptable to make that choice in today's society. Here are some legitimate reasons for making that choice.
ONE || This world is a terrible place.
And we don't want to be responsible for bringing innocent children into it. This is actually something I've thought about since, well probably since high school. And it's where our thoughts of adoption fist started. Instead of bringing more innocent children into this horrible world, why not take care of some who are already here and have nobody to love them?
TWO || You're broke.
Or you just don't want little money-suckers running around. Kids are expensive. Most millennials are deep in debt right now from student loans and whatever else. It's still pretty hard to find jobs. And some of them just don't want more really expensive expenses right now. So sue them.
THREE || The world is overpopulated.
Another great reason in support of adoption. Less people on the earth taking all of our resources! Just take the parental responsibilities of people who are already here.
FOUR || Pregnancy is hard.
It's taxing on the body. It's a beautiful miracle but it's tough. And it's avoidable these days. Gone are the days of women getting pregnant because that's just what happens when you're married. And some women are very thankful for that for the sake of their bodies. Pregnancy can be dangerous. It can be very physically demanding and damaging. And it can also be mentally and emotionally damaging with miscarriages, postpartum depression and many other factors that go into having a baby. Some people would just rather not deal with that.
FIVE || You can barely take care of yourself.
I'd be lying if I told you this never crosses my mind. And I know I'm not the only one. I'm a mess. I sleep in all the time. Heck, I sleep all the time. I can't keep my kitchen clean. I never vacuum the house. And I'm pretty sure our bathroom isn't sanitary. Not only that, but I'm very emotional. I never know what I want and I'm awful at self-love and self-care. Oh and I eat horribly. How am I supposed to be responsible for a little human life as well?
SIX || You have an illness or condition with which you should not have children.
Whether it's a physical condition and being pregnant is dangerous to you and the baby or it's a mental or other condition that would make parenting difficult and bad for you and the baby. Not all illnesses are visible and obvious, so be careful with this one too.
SEVEN || You like freedom.
This one's pretty straight-forward, right? You want to travel without having to figure out what to do with the kids. You want to be spontaneous and go out whenever you want to. Do you have anything to do this weekend? Let's take a road trip!
EIGHT || You don't need a reason.
This might be the most important reason of all. It could be equivalent to "non-ya!" when someone asks why you don't have kids. It's none of their business and you do not need to explain yourself!
So if you're on the fence about having children, or you've decided you don't want them. Don't feel ashamed or guilty. That choice is valid! Did I miss a reason? Do you not want children? What's your reason?
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
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