The Platinum Rule | Enduring All Things

Friday, May 4, 2018

The Platinum Rule

You guys, do you follow Jordan Page from She's the best! Like, I've been totally fangirling over her for a few months now and the other night I dreamed I was hanging out with her at her amazing house. I kid you not. She is a budgeting, and productivity genius and basically just wins at life every day. Even when she's not having a great day, she fails with grace and still shows the world that she's human. Anyway, you should totally follow her. Especially on Instagram.

But I digress. Every Tuesday, she and her husband, Bubba, go live on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube for a live Q&A on Tuesday! A couple weeks ago, during one of these lived, Bubba mentioned what he calls the Platinum Rule. We all know the Golden Rule, right? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Basically treat others the way you would want to be treated. Well Bubba says we should actually take that one step farther and treat others the way they want to be treated. After all, we're all different people and we want different things!
The Platinum Rule is to treat others the way THEY want to be treated rather than the way you want to be treated. This concept can help so much in a marriage. Think of the 5 love languages! Do you and your spouse speak different languages? If you try to love them in their language, it changes everything!
This is so true and such a good rule. I've never heard it this way before! And it can be applied in all of our relationships but today I want to look at how we can implement this in our marriages.

I've talked about the 5 Love Languages many times on the blog (here is my Love Languages tag) because I think there is so much insight there. You can learn so much about your spouse and how to love them if you understand their love language. If you're not familiar, the 5 Love Languages are Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, and Words of Affirmation. The idea is that everybody favors one or two of these "languages" over the others and some people might not perceive love at all if their partner is only showing love in a language they don't speak. Does that make sense?

So problems arise when spouses speak different love languages. And especially if they aren't even aware that they are speaking different love languages. Imagine a wife who wants nothing more than to cuddle on the couch when her husband gets home but as soon as he gets home, he heads to the kitchen and starts making dinner or cleaning up and takes the trash out then runs the vacuum cleaner a few times. The wife thinks he does not love her and is maybe even avoiding her. The husband is showing his love the best way he knows how. He's sacrificing his evenings, after work, to serve her by doing things he thinks need to be done and he may not even know that she's hurting and just wants some quality time together in the evenings after he's been away all day.

Her primary love language is Quality Time and his is Acts of Service. If they were aware of each other's languages and put in an effort to speak the others instead of just their own, the whole dynamic of their marriage would change. Plus, not only would they learn to speak each other's languages, the would also interpret each others languages better. Maybe the wife wouldn't be so hurt when the husband does things around the house if she understands that it's his way of showing love. And maybe he wouldn't resent all the work to be done when he gets home if he understands that she would rather just spend some time together.

Anyway, that was a really long winded story, but I just want you to understand what I'm getting at. If we learn each other's love languages and other needs, we can treat them the way they want to be treated rather than just the way we want to be treated. The effort becomes about the other person rather than a selfish view of "why doesn't he appreciate what I'm doing here. I would love it if he did this."

The other day Pearson came home in a bad mood. His insecurities at work were showing up again. (You know, that pesky impostor syndrome we all have) And he was disappointed that his Keto diet wasn't working as well as it had the first couple weeks. At first I tried to stay out of his way (like I always do) and started making his lunch for the next day. Then I remembered that his primary love language isn't Acts of Service. It's Physical Touch. So I abandoned my post in the kitchen and went and cuddled with him on the couch. Before I knew it, his mood had improved, he felt a lot better, and we had an enjoyable evening!

It takes more effort to learn what your spouse wants but it's so worth it!
Do you know your spouse's love language? Make an effort to treat them the way they want to be treated!
Thanks for reading!

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